at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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