her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
