Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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