I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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