Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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