Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
