That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
