I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
