"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
