He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
