Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize