HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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