What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
