i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize