Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
so much tequila, so little girl.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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