hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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