I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
