Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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