We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
