porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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