i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone came in the potted fern
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
