so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
