I wish I could punch you in the face.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
