Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
