Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize