god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
