I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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