my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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