Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
