dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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