he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
