You smell like a Billy Joel song
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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