I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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