All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize