NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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