it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
