my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
