We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I cut my penus on the lid.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
