Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize