What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
