things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
