you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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