Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
