And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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