i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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