Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
