Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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