Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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