We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
