question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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