Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
