You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
