Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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