I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
