Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
