If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
