My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
