my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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