Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
