Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
