Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
