i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
