Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
