is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
