Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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