You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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